Monday, January 5, 2009

Getting Out but Feeling Broken

Such great news I was waiting to share but I just can't wait any longer...

Brian's been deemed medically ready for rehab! We learned that over the weekend but weren't sure if there was space, so I was waiting to be sure before I shared the news.

God provided an immediate room for Brian & he'll move to the rehab center as soon as the insurance does the prototypical approval of the treatment. I would expect that to mean he could be out of there as soon as this evening but no later than mid-week. Once he's set up, I'll let you all know where would be the best place to send him personal well wishes & cards.

My dad took the night shift last night & Brian actually seems to be dropping some of the out of character nocturnal fondness he'd recently developed in favor of getting some sleep (Though, I don't know, his girlfriend is from Columbia & seems to have brought some of that out of him. ;). My dad said he did really well considering all the fluid he continues to rid from his lungs through a painful, frequent cough. That's what typically what wakes him up.

He had some more visitors today--my aunt, uncle, & cousin have been helping my parents with taking part in the 24/7 shifts now, in addition to everything else they continue to provide for our family. Even family of friends from Raleigh drove up to help today too.

He's still eating okay & they had him sit up for awhile again today but he's really not digging it. He doesn't say much & when he does it's evident that he's starting to become aware of the severity of the situation & loss of his legs, though he doesn't want to be. He's pretty frustrated & standoffish right now. What compounds the situation is the fact that all of this is manifest in the shock involved in recovering from such a level of trauma & the fog from all the whack medications they give him for pain & agitation.

It's hard. In my stupid little head I had it be so much more black & white. He'd be in ICU, he'd snap to, & they'd move him to rehab. It's so much grayer than that. He's becoming aware of things but he's still too medicated to know what he's thinking & he's not really into talking much at all. How do you support someone in this situation??

Jamie's post on 1/1 is a good one to look back to for guidance but it's still hard. I don't know how to best support him really other than to do it. I know many of you are getting back into the swing of things following holiday time off but if you can find time to come out & support Brian, now's the time to do it. Please don't take the disclaimer about how he's feeling to mean the contrary. My dad pointed out that so many of Brian's friends say that some of his greatest qualities are his ability to listen & convey ongoing support (Interestingly enough, nothing that has anything to do with his also amazing physical abilities). Now is the time that he could use the same from all of us.

I can also say, knowing one day that Brian will read this, that his recovery isn't just for him. It's for so many others. He's touched so many lives & God is giving him this opportunity to touch so many more & show His Goodness & His Glory. Statistics obviously mean nothing in his situation, leading one to conclude that any comfort or answers found in them are false.

We have to continue to have faith that God will continue to provide defiance of the odds for Brian. We also have to continue to praise Him, taking comfort in all He continues to provide for Brian & for us as a family as we try to adjust. Every step of the way God has been faithful, has blessed him with better than expected outcomes, & given us more support than we'd ever have dreamed. We have to take comfort in Our Savior because He shows us that statistics aren't where the true answers lie.

Myra & I visited Horizon Christian Fellowship in Charlotte yesterday & the message was so personally touching. Pastor Terry told of the story so many of us have heard in Mark 6:30 where Jesus makes five loaves (of barely bread that only poor people would eat) & two fish (the sardine, salted kind again that only poor people ate) into enough food to feed 5,000, maybe even more. What have never occurred until I heard his teaching was how the people were fed. Jesus didn't give them the broken food, He gave it to the disciples to give the hungry & tired followers. The broken food is more than symbolic of His sacrifice for us, it's also symbolic of how when we've been broken, He can work through us to share His Love with others that much more. We have to see the Glory through Brian's current feelings of brokenness & the potential he has to reach out & touch others that much more in his recovery.

Please continue to let Brian know how much he's reaching out to you, how much his feeling broken is inspiring you to believe in him & the God who heals him.


  1. Brian,
    As I read today's blog, I realize that even though I don't know you personally, I see that 115 people are now subscribed to and keeping up with your recovery. That's a lot of people who are rooting for you every day! It's a big responsibility, I know, but we can see that you are going to come out of this so much stronger than you ever imagined.

    God bless you, and go Wolfpack!

  2. Hey Brian! You probably don't remember me, it is hard to believe it has already been 10 years since high school! I read about your accident and found out about this blog on Facebook (where else in this day and age! lol). I have been reading and following your progress ever since! (just now realized I could leave a comment though!) I am so happy to hear about your huge weekend progress into rehab! You have so many people thinking about you, whether it be those like us who havent seen or talked to you since high school, or those who are your close friends, we all have one thing in common and that is we are all rooting for you and your recovery! You and your family are people to admire! Keep up the fight!
    Jenny Barry Lachapelle and family

  3. Brain,

    I know you're going to read this someday. At least that's what Kara keeps saying. I just wanted you to know that I sent her a really mean letter last night and I'm sure it will send her for a loop, but I didn't intend to hurt her--just to help you. I hope someday she'll let you read it to. Then, if she doesn't do everything you want as quickly as you want, or if she makes decisions with you or for you that you don't like at the time--blame them on me. It might have been my suggestion. I really think it's hard for families to look at the big picture when they are watching you hurt so much. It's almost like with our little kids--we know how to parent by helping them learn to wait or making them go to school when they think they'd rather stay home, etc... You've got a road of recovery ahead of you. I think you're really lucky to have all of the family support that you have. Many are not so lucky. It's helpful for them to think of you as an adult but pull on their skills as parents--and that's a hard balance--but one they seem willing to learn.

    Kara asked me about things to do while visiting. Here's an idea:

    Get a big piece of poster board. Then start a list of things you are thankful for. You can't be hateful when you're grateful. When people visit--you and they can add something. Once I listed 10 things every day for 26 days--so I have a 260 item alphabetized list now of things I'm grateful for. When I was sick my friend would call every night and make me name off "five good things about the nursing home." It was hard sometimes, but it got easier.

    Just a suggestion--but then, when we jump out of a plane, they suggest we pull the rip cord.

    Kara's friend, Jamie
    Maybe we'll meet someday.

  4. Brian,
    How you're feeling is completely expected. I just wanted you to know that your friends will put up with whatever feelings you have and will never leave you. You can try to push us away, but we will not give up. No matter how mad I could make you in our dumb little fights, you never gave up on me, so I owe you...a lot. I'm sure all of us are willing to give you whatever you need and be there for you no matter what. I am so proud of your improvements and am happy that each new day is better than the last. See you in a few days.


  5. Brian,
    I am happy to hear about the good news of you being able to move to rehab. It comes after a night of me having a dream about you down the road and how strong you will be. I don't by any means claim to know the future from dreams or any other thing like that, but I do believe that in the past that God has sent me dreams as a dreaming of your future strength last night and then reading this news when I got up makes me feel even more hopeful. Someday when we talk, ask me about it. I really care about you, even though I gave you a hard time when we had some of our chats, but I think that you know that.

    Love, Cindy Tyndall

  6. Keet,
    My good man I am so glad to hear that you are well enough to start your rehab move. I think someone else has already mentioned it, but I hope your feelings are excitement to start that process. I know its hard with so many other thoughts and questions, but remember that you being able to start rehab means YOUR GETTING BETTER EACH AND EVERY DAY!! Keep fightin man and as always your in our thoughts!!


  7. Keeter,

    It's awesome to hear that you are starting rehab. I hope you are already there and doing your deal right now son! Do work. I can't imagine the road ahead of you, but I know you can do it! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  8. Hey Brian! I am so happy you are out of ICU! I know the road to recovery is going to be long and tough but you have lots of love and support to help get you there. You have already been through a great deal physically and now you are going to have to start facing the emotional and mental challenges as well. This will probably be the hardest part of the fight - I can't even imagine what will be going through your head. I know that when I've been frustrated and angry in the past, you were always the one I turned to - to vent, cry, etc. I hope I can be that same person for you. Just know that I and so many others are here for you and will do whatever we can to assist you and your family.


  9. Brian,
    I am so excited to hear that you are getting better and better every day. I miss seeing you and hearing from you. I think about you and say a prayer for you every day. I know you are frustrated right now, but you will get through this. You have lots of friends who care about you so much, and we are here for you no matter what. I believe, and you have proven, that you are strong and determined. The amazing progress that goes beyond expectation that you have already accomplished and shown us all will surely continue as you progress. I know we will all continue to be amazed and proud of what you are capable of doing and overcoming. Know that I'm here for you whenever you need me and that I believe that you haven't even come close to showing everyone how much fight and determination you have within you. I will see you soon! I can't wait to see how much progress you've made since my last visit!!

    Love you,

  10. Hey Big Bro,

    I see you're moving forward as expected. Rehab should be fun! You know we sometimes take this life for granite. Did you know how much God has Graced you man? I mean, when I think about eternity, it's so beyond me. In this temporal life, its good to have a revelation of Jesus Christ, what he did at the cross, and what he is currently doing in our lives. It's also good to look at your life to see where he has brought you from. Thousands of people die everyday across the globe, without ever asking Jesus to come into their hearts. Man you are blessed

    Love You

  11. Brian,
    I am sooooo Happy that you are improving!!! I also know that you have a long road ahead. I also know that you are up for the challenge.

    You have touched so many peoples lives and now are touching even more. You are a outstanding person and have such a great way about you that others have more than respect for you they have a bond with you.

    Yes there will be good days and not so good days. I am amazed and proud of you for all the strength you have in spirit, mind and body.

    G-d bless you, your family, and friends. :)